I was very nervous. The reputation of the renowned Dr. Fuk Yu, as an expert in highlighting conflict within on-line discussions, is unequaled.
And his expertise is unsurpassed in the field of what's what. Needless to say, my interview with him didn't begin as intended.
Me: For the record. What is your name?
Fuk: Fuk Yu.
Me: What did you say, fuck me?
Fuk: No you stupid motherfucker. My name is Fuk Yu. Nobody wants to fuck you. Even a woman wouldn't fuck you for a million dollars. Pay attention asshole or this interview is fucking over.
Me: Sorry, Dr. Fuk, I apologize.
Fuk: Goddammit. No need to apologize. Just keep the fuck up. And never refute what I say and you're be fucking okay. Then I won't have to kick your fucking ass.
Me: Yes Sir. I understand. Tell me. What is the biggest problem regarding conflict within on-line discussions?
Fuk: It's separating the fucking bullshit from the chicken shit, and the goddam horse shit from the other fucking shit.
Me: I read an article on-line showing that you consider exaggeration and hyperbole to be 95-percent of the conflict within discussions. Is this true?
Fuk: That's fucking crazy shit. I never approved to have my fucking research published on-line. Some motherfucker will put my work on-line without my fucking permission. Then some other fucker will put it on his blog, taking every fucking thing I say out of context.
Me: Would it be accurate to say that some on-line conflict is caused by misinformation?
Fuk: What the fuck? Are you that damn fucking slow? Hell yes. Conflict is created when discussions involve crazy fucking bullshit. That's common fucking sense.
Me: How does chicken shit play a role in the conflict?
Fuk: In discussions, chickens always run away. They go into hiding and fucking peck away at others. They will fucking peck away at anyone or anything. They don't like getting pecked, however. For them, it's always fucking peck ... peck ... peck. All they want to do is fucking peck at someone or something.
Me: Is chicken shit worse than bullshit?
Fuk: Fucking no, you ignorant motherfucker. All shit is fucking bad. Shit is shit. Shit fucking stinks.
Me: Aren't there rules for managing on-line discussions?
Fuk: There are many blogs and there are many fucking rules. Sometimes it's difficult to understand which fucking horse shit rule belongs where.
Me: Can you give me an example?
Fuk: Some sites and blogs allow you to say any fucking thing you want. Where insults, personal attacks, slurs, and name calling are allowed. Other sites and blogs don't allow that fucking shit. It's fucking forbidden.
Me: Well, time's up. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule and providing such an enlightening discussion.
Fuk: Fuck you.
Me: Thank you.
Fuk: No. I really mean fuck you. It's all about the context of what's being fucking said. I told you to fucking pay attention, you stupid motherfucker. I hope you are not fucking dumb enough to post this interview on-line and violate any fucking rule.
Dr. Fuk Yu stood up and gave me the middle finger. I extended him the same courtesy.
I'm sure I will be hearing from Dr. Fuk Yu again. Real soon.